Cat

 

Alaska cats don't take no crap. 

They don't sit in no one's lap. 

They don't let you brush their fur 

Or have cute names like Gulliver. 

They mumble but they seldom purr.

Alaska cats are three feet tall. 

They drink beer and play pinball. 

And you may notice when they call, 

They don't wash themselves at all, 

Just once in the spring and once in the fall.

Alaska cats are always dressed 

In jeans and boots and outdoor vest. 

It's not stuffed with eiderdown 

But hair from dogs around the town - 

Some black, some brown.

Once a year to hold off famine 

They jump in the boats and they fish for salmon 

Slap those big fish with their paws 

Catch 'em, bone 'em, and then toss 

'Em in a pan with catsup sauce.

Alaska cats chew catnip snoose 

And spit about anywhere they choose. 

The freest cat you ever saw. 

They have no owners, no leash law - 

They laugh at pet cats. Ha, Ha - Ha, Ha - Ha, Ha.

Garrison Keillor (c) 1996

The irrepressible Garrison Keillor

Garrison Keillor is an American author, storyteller, humorist, and radio personality, best known as the creator and longtime host of the National Public Radio show A Prairie Home Companion (1974–2016), which was a live radio variety show featuring music, comedy sketches, and Keillor’s signature segment, “News from Lake Wobegon,” a fictional small town “where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”

Garrison Keillor wrote and starred in the 2006 film, 'A Prairie Home Companion', directed by Robert Altman. The movie offers a fictionalized behind-the-scenes look at the final broadcast of Keillor's renowned radio show of the same name. In the film, Keillor portrays himself, sharing the screen with an ensemble cast including Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin, Kevin Kline, and Lindsay Lohan.  The narrative unfolds during the show's last performance at the Fitzgerald Theater in St. Paul, Minnesota, capturing the interactions and performances of the cast and crew as they prepare for the final curtain. The film blends humor, music, and poignant moments, reflecting the essence of the original radio program. ​